Suddenly feel like posting since I don't really know who to talk to. Feels weird. A bit of the emoish feeling. lol. hate this feeling but it seems to be bugging me recently.
Actually nobody knows how bad, guilty and sad that I cannot make it for the Annual Camp.
Its like the last camp in my life in NP, but yet I missed this chance of being involved in this big event together with the squad. Jun Xian and Kai Sheng jokingly say I very slack, pon the camp and stuff. Although, they din really mean it, but I feel really bad when they say that.
Frankly speaking, I hate missing out NP events with the squad. I hate quarreling with my parents because of NP. I hate the feeling when the whole squad is working together to do something but yet I am not involved. I really hate the feeling of telling myself that its okay that I missed the events but at least some people will tell me what happened. Sometimes, I feel that me as the vice chair is so useless. I wondered why I am chosen to be the Vice. Like what Jerald said, my drills are not as good as Jing Zhen's and Jermaine's. I am also not that capable as them. Its like in my years in NP, Jing Zhen and Jermaine are like the ones always being enthu about NP, volunteering for almost everything so its like expected that they will take up the top 3 positions. Being the vice chair, I really learn a lot. I don't know how to describe that feeling, but I will feel exceptionally happy during parades, look forward to NP events and preparing or discussing about NP with the squad. Although I cannot deny that its really tiring throughout this whole journey, but I enjoyed the process.
And now, tomorrow's National Heritage Trip to discuss about the questions for the actual heritage trip on 26th, I don't think I will be going. But, actually I don't think anyone will mind bah. Since I already missed out the Annual Camp and many more other events.
Sometimes its like I am so extra in NP. Don't know why but I just hope to be part of it too. I want to be actively involved in all the NP activities but it just seem impossible.
Wonder why Jing Zhen's parents din really object her in being involved in NP too much but my parents do. Results seem to be the most important in their eyes. But I really love NP a lot.
Actually wanted to talk to a particular someone, someone who said to me that he care when I was in the saddest point in my life...someone whom I told everything to about my family matters...someone who promised me that he will message me about what happened when he is back...I am still waiting for his message but I doubt he will remember bah...
Lol, feel so emo all of a sudden.
Just ignore this post bah, its just something that I feel like telling if I talked to someone. But since I don't know who to talk to, I shall blogged instead. Anyway my blog is quite dead so not many will really visit it so I don't think it really matters.
):